The hilarious and horrifying art of Watchtower literature

I recently stumbled on some Watchtower literature. For those who don't know, Watchtower is the official publishing company for the Jehovah's Witnesses. I won't be critiquing the theology, but this book has some... interesting images in it, which we will be reviewing in this post. So, without further ado:

Let's start with the cover:

That title. . .

My immediate impression is that while God may very well care about us, this child does not.

Damns given: 0

Moving right along. . .

I'm not sure what nationality these people are supposed to be. The best I can figure, they seem to be a race of photogenic white gypsies or something:

MY favorite is the guy photobombing in the bottom right corner. He's just so pleased with himself.

Adam and Eve make their entrance:

A perfect white, smiling start.

Next, we have a brief and unprecedented detour into the subject of traffic:

I'm sure there's a context, but it's so much better without it.

Adam and Eve return for this strangely erotic image:

There's a dirty Shakespeare joke that goes with this, but I'm not going to say it.

I appreciate that they averted the apple cliche, but the man is making full-on bedroom eyes at that pear.

Then, there's the obligatory cameo of Jesus, who was apparently white and wore brylcream.

Come to me, all ye who are white and photogenic.

You know how I promised "horrifying" in the title? Yeah, this is about where it starts:

Funny, I don't remember cocaine-snorting as on of the Bible's prophecied evils.

Then there's this:

There's so much to say about this, but anything I say will only distract from the horror.

I really don't understand why you would attach the caption 'They will not learn war anymore' to an image of a man forging a sword with what appears to be malicious intent.

This is confusing. What does the blonde have to do with the other image or the caption?

There's definitely jokes to be made here, but I don't really know what to say that won't send me straight to Hell, so I'll pass.

Why do they all have such hungry expressions? Are they waiting for somebody to throw a fish at them? Is this the Johevah's Witness exhibit at the zoo?

Maybe they're just looking forward to Armageddon. . .

Oh no! Don't go there!

Yep. I'm having nightmares tonight.

I can appreciate their attempts at ethnic diversity, but it just makes the earlier whitewashing all the more jarring.

That's it for this book, but I'll probably be back with more later.

Cheers.